Teacher’s pet
Otto’s duties are simple; we used to do them every day at school. That youngster flinging paper airplanes? Guilty as charged. Chalking on the blackboard? This L is for you. Breaking other children’s Lego spacecraft? No, not us, actually.
But wait, there’s more! You get to brag about how awesome you are for a full year! However, it comes with other perks. For example, you get diplomatic immunity! Because we weren’t as eloquent when we were eight, you should be thankful that we weren’t this composed. Surveillance states should consider employing more eight-year-olds to assist with compliance.